With a beer in one tentacle and a book in another, Paper Darts is taking back the lit scene, one lame pen and quill metaphor at a time.

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Sunday
Jan242010

Awkward and Uncomfortable

Regan Smith is Awkward and Uncomfortable More Often than is Normal for a Stable Human Being.

I titled my last blog “Everybody’s Awkward and Uncomfortable” thinking that the situations listed were generally unspoken yet widely universal (you know, like how everybody hates that guy that says “awwwkwaard” during a normal lapse in conversation). But after not-so-subtly fishing for reactions from friends, I’m beginning to think that maybe the more appropriate title would’ve been something along the lines of “Regan Smith is Awkward and Uncomfortable More Often than is Normal for a Stable Human Being.”

Am I really so creepily neurotic that nobody understands what I’m talking about? Were you all the cool kids sitting at the cool lunch table in tough jean jackets, wearing tough Ray-Bans, smoking tough cigarettes while I was still hangin’ tough in my OshKosh B’Gosh overalls?

You know what, I don’t think you were. And I think you do know what I’m talking about when I say that tie-dye is unforgivable and walking down steep hills is stupid looking. And, I intend to prove it to you, one lame list at a time until you finally stop livin’ in the past, remove your proverbial Ray-Bans, and face reality, man.

 

4) Waiting patiently for the walk sign while everybody else crosses the street ahead of you

 


Why don’t I just go? Everybody else is doing it. I’ve never been a conformist though. I hate conformists. Besides, a car might come. That’s how accidents happen. That’s why we have public safety laws and transportation infrastructure. Hey, that guy just went. So did that guy.

Damn it, when did I become such a square?


Blame your mom, and don’t listen to the Clash so much.

5) Smoking

 

Only a select few people actually look cool doing it. The kind of people who, you know, wear jean jackets and Ray-Bans and say things like “jump back.” (Kevin Bacon is not actually one of them).

6) Pretending your high school years were more raucous and extreme than they actually were

 

“I finally got the courage to tell my mom about car tag.”

“You mean when we used to gently tap each other’s bumpers at stop lights?”

“Yeah...that was wild.”

 

 

My overalls are riding up.


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