Fiction: Jackie Sizemore

Q: Are you an archaeologist? If the person asking does not look like they just came from an Iron Maiden concert, you may explain that an archaeologist digs up anything involving people, and that a paleontologist digs up plants and animals. If they keep pressing, you may simply answer “No.” The better question is, if you were a real paleontologist, wouldn’t you be working at a real dinosaur quarry?

Q: What is this stuff made of? Wax and Sand. When you get bored of saying that, mix it up with Sand and Wax. That’s tougher to say quickly though. Try turning it into a game and keep track of how many times you stutter over it while trying to answer three different families at the same time.

Q: What’s this dinosaur? There are two answers to this. If the asker is an adult, they are likely just curious. Spout off the ones you’ve memorized, pointing at appropriate lumps in the quarry. If you forget how one of the names ends, just keep adding vowels until it sounds right. If this is a kid, yes, you are being tested. Don’t bother trying to take on this kid in the dino-knowledge challenge; he is going to win, and he already knows it. He knows that the skull in the back can’t be a T-rex head because obviously that would take up the entire quarry. He can probably spell Allosaurus too. Try not to let him make you look too dumb, and remember, you are the one wearing the safari vest.

Q: Hey, did you know…? Chances are, you are about to have an unfortunate encounter with an under socialized homeschool kid. Do some subtle neck stretches, because for the next fifteen minutes you will be doing nothing but smiling and nodding. Despite what normal social rules dictate about a conversation needing two people, your role is simply to relieve the stressed out dad melting into the bench over there from his son who is so excited to be out of the house that he has to remind himself to take a breath in between his many monologues. Maybe you did know that momma birds chew the food first before they feed it to the baby birds. But you didn’t know that this kid watched the morning doves build a nest outside his window at his grandma’s house all summer, did you?  

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